I think there’s a difference between “honesty” and really for reals true honesty. I don’t think we notice it until people die. Or at least, not most of us. Or at the very least, not me.

I LIKE “honesty”. I use it daily. I use it as a weapon, as armor, as a relationship builder, as a tool for drawing a line in the sand over which I will not cross or be crossed.

But then there’s that pesky “really for reals true honesty” lurking in the background. That’s the stuff I look at, and go, “yeah, but so what?” or “yeah, but I don’t want to think about that,” or “so?” or “no no, let’s look over here at this other thing and ignore that,” or I just refuse to acknowledge it altogether.

Y’know… Stuff like, knowing that you should have spent more time with that person, but didn’t want to drive all that way. Or like knowing that you shouldn’t have said that thing to that person because even though it was true, it wasn’t really the whole truth. Or like knowing that you used a different honest thing to defend yourself instead of exploring something that was painful and terrible.

I’m not saying that I’m gonna get all insightful and navel-gazing about anything. I’m just saying… Well… I’m saying, I see you, really for reals true honesty. I know you’re there. And I’m not gonna ignore you as much as I have been for, oh, the last 28 years.

So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

For iPod Touch sock:
Note that I measured my iPods with their protective rubber thingy on. The socks will need to be smaller if you don’t use a “bumper” on your iPod Touch.
Using Fingering weight yarn, C/O 52 st on circular 2.75 mm needles (that’s a size 2), separate onto two needles for magic loop knitting (if you are lost, go to youtube and search for “magic loop knitting”). Knit 60 rounds. Close with kitchener stitch (I use a looong tail of whatever’s left of the yarn). With tapestry needle and doubled yarn, make a drawstring at the top by inserting a running stitch all the way around (I did it every other knit stitch). Knot both ends of drawstring, cut yarn and voila. iPod sock.

For any other device, I calculated my knitting on the size 2 needles as 3.58 stitches per cm & 5 rows per cm. Measure your device sideways, add a cm, and multiply it by 3.58. That’ll give you your C/O stitches (make sure this is an even, whole number. If it’s not, then either add or subtract a stitch -doesn’t really matter which – and ignore the numbers after the decimal point). Then measure your device longways, add about 1 cm, and multiply that by 5. That’ll give you how many rows you need to do (if this isn’t a whole number, then either bump it up or bump it down to the next whole number). The width will fit your device just fine, but be sure to test your device length-wise before you close up. I tested my husband’s at 60 and it worked just fine. Mine wasn’t okay until 65 rows. Just depends on how tight your stitches are.

Oh, and for the pics above, Iorek’s is the plain khaki sock (he wanted plain), and mine is the stripy pink rock star sock.

Second day in a row waking up with that DAMNED headache. What is the deal? Took a lot longer today for it to go from unbearable to bearable (almost 3 hours with allergy meds, snoot juice, and a scalding shower), but it’s still not really gone.

Was informed this morning that Iorek wants a sock for his iPod Touch. Going to make that a little later today. He’s super easy to please. He says he just wants a plain khaki colored, knit sock with a drawstring on top. I figure I’ll just knit it 2 1/2 inches too long, and fold an inch over and sew it at the top to make a drawstring holder thingy. I’ll finish the bottom with a kitchen-stitch (my favorite finishing stitch right now). Will post pics of it when I get it finished tonight. I may knit myself one from an irresistible pink/gray/black&white bamboo/wool sock yarn I picked up last week at Joann’s while there for needles. Actually, I probably will knit one for myself. I’m selfish like that.

While looking through my yarn stash this morning, trying to find a plain khaki (which I found – yay!), I realized that I had NOT picked up a skein of yarn that I thought I had when I was shopping last week. When I got to the store today, I will probably snag it, along with a black & white skein that I told Iorek about, and which he undoubtedly wants now “just in case”. Silly husband.

Looks like we might have a wind storm coming in. Both Iorek and I woke up with the WORST sinus headaches ever. Y’know the kind where you’re doubled over as soon as you get outa bed, and your head is pulsing in perfect time with your heartbeat? Those. Not good.

Also looks like we’re bringing home a baby (cat) on Monday. Her name is Amelia. She’s about 10-11 weeks old, and she’s from my dad’s most recent bengal litter. She’s precious, but she’s going to cost us a lot. She needs vaccinations, she needs to be spayed, and she’s got a serious flea problem that needs to be fixed before she comes in the house. And of course the house needs to be cleaned more thoroughly before she joins us. I intended on picking on her up this coming Friday, but I just haven’t made the time to do the necessary “kitten proofing” on the house yet. I’ll do that Today-Sunday.

Also knitting some adorable gloves for my mom’s bday on the 20th. They’re a soft heathery purple, and they’ll be perfect for the chilly summer mornings where she lives.

Pics of Amelia & Mom’s crossword/coffee/reading gloves:

Don’t have any clue what to do for my dad for father’s day. What do you get the man who has everything and has enough money to get what he doesn’t already have? This isn’t an excuse for me to not get him anything, I just don’t even know where to start. I’ll do some research on gifts.com to see if i can pull up a profile of him to get a better idea of what stuff he’d like. Have I mentioned gifts.com yet here? If I haven’t, you really need to check it out. The personality tests are awesome. They’re perfect for those people in your life that you know well enough to classify, but not well enough to know exactly what they want (or for those folks who keep telling you “Oh, I don’t want ANYTHING.” Yeah, right, dad. Dream on.

It seems that I’m trying to tell myself something (not so subtly) lately. We’ve watched a few episodes of Jillian in the last couple of weeks, and she makes me want to get out and RUN, or do push-ups or something. And then I went to the doctor yesterday and found out what I really weigh (more than I wanted to hear), and a few days ago I started reading Don’t Pity The Fat Girl (which is amusing, and evidently I’m finding it inspirational too). I want a Wii. And that Wii fit game. And I want to get out and DO something.

Part of my problem is that I make a TON of excuses, not the least of which is, “I thought I weighed a bit less than that, but I’m not fat.” I need to stop that. Not being obese doesn’t mean that I don’t need to work out, and get back down to my fighting weight.

So here’s the goal: I want to lose 15 lbs. by the end of the year. I have no excuses. My goal is not unreasonable. I will do it.

just doings little test… Posting from my iPod touch while slightly drunk, sitting in the Terra vista town center. Woot mmm margarita burp. Tasty!

This is pretty damn nice, except the keyboard takes some getting used to. And I’ve been told that using Apple products makes you bleed from the eyes. It’s funny to me that Apple is mainstream enough tto be considered an “evil corporation”. Freakin’ survivalists. Seriously. If the product is awesome, then I WILL own one. Don’t give me any of your “to hell with the man” nonsense. Some people jist need a D-cellf lashlight up the ass. Am I right? God damn right I am…… Where’s that waitress? I want another mar-ga-rita. What the hell does that mean anyway? Why would you name a drink after a girl? We don’t drink “Esther”, or sally, or Jane in America. So why am I drinking a margarita?? That seems somewhat sadistic or slightly naughty and inappropriate somehow. … Wait… What were we talking about?

Tomorrow I am finally giving in to my good friend Bill, and I am purchasing as many of the Discworld books as I can get my hands on…. Okay, I’m only purchasing the first one actually, but I just want it to seem like I’m really making an effort here, because I put up such (unnecessary) resistance to the idea of Terry Pratchett. But now I’m totally stuck. I kept saying, “yeah, yeah, I’ll read his work I swear blah blah blah,” but then I just realized that I’m in the middle of reading Moby Dick for the third time in a row, and really, I have no excuse anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I love Ishmael and Queequeg, but this is ridiculous.

So you win, Bill. Pratchett becomes my author tomorrow morning (or rather, later on this morning, when I drag my ass out of bed). I HOPE YOU’RE PROUD OF YOURSELF!

Working a lot lately. Magazine goes to the printer tomorrow. Seems like no real time or brain power to post anything worthwhile in the last 6 or so months. Sorry about that.

Updates:

We had almost $12,000 in taxes at the beginning of this year (Damn you, California State). The GOOCA fund suffered, but it’s getting back to where it was in December. Slowly. It was a low blow, but we’re still on schedule for getting out of CA in the next couple of years… Hopefully.

Magazine is doing great. Gear Shop is doing great. Adding more products and brainstorming weekly (in between sending orders out and fixing things that shouldn’t go wrong). Had a business meeting between several great minds a few weeks ago in Texas. It went well, but it cost a LOT. Hannah ended up with some weird form of Kennel Cough, and it stressed us out. The whole “vacation” ended up costing several thousand dollars, when it was supposed to cost less than one. Unfortunately, that’s several thousand dollars that didn’t go into the gooca fund this month. The trip was worth every penny, but it did hurt.

I sold one of my little brothers my convertible about a month and a half ago, or so. A few days ago, my dad took it to the store and totalled it. It was still on my insurance. Luckily, it was 100% the other driver’s fault (he was t-boned by a woman driving an SUV who wasn’t paying attention. Stupid broad). This is bad, and good. Dad wasn’t hurt, as far as anybody can tell (good). The car will not be on my insurance anymore, which will save us a lot of money (good). Now my brother AGAIN has no car to go to school (bad). Hopefully the other insurance will cover the cost of a new vehicle. I am greatly annoyed at the last little factoid, but we’ll get it figured out. I had that car for HOW LONG, and never wrecked it. It was basically pristine. ten years old, no accidents, 89,000 miles. Another good car bites the dust, due to a moron in California. Oh well.

I quit school. I was not and am not ready to hang with the “big dogs” in the California State Education System. I can’t wrap my mind around why it is important for me to watch “An Inconvenient Truth” and write a paper on it for my Animals in Agriculture class (I don’t remember exactly what the class was called, but it was something like that). And it’s just exactly like that in every class. I can’t do it.

It’s funny. My mom told me for years that I belonged in the art world. I essentially told her to fuck off with her “artist” nonsense (sorry, mom ). I wanted to belong to the opposite world – SCIENCE. Artists live lives of poverty and depression. Artists have to sell-out to make money. Artists have to have some kind of talent and constant creativity to move forward in their field. With science, you just follow the formulas that other men have written, and you’re golden. I guess, in a way, I was saying (to her, to myself, to the world) that I didn’t particularly want to think. I just wanted to act based on somebody else’s thought. Which is funny, since I never really looked at science (or education) like that until I gave in. My mom was right. So let it be written, so let it be done. I don’t belong in the world of formulas, or the world of half-thinking lab assistants. It’s not the responsibility that gets under my skin. That level of responsibility is necessary in any profession, when you think about it. Even the profession of house-wife or house-husband requires an enormous level of responsibility. If the stock doesn’t get fed, or the lawn doesn’t get mowed, or the lights go out, it’s your fault. Same concept with Vet Medicine. If you get lazy, the animal dies. *shrugs* I got bored before I ever got started. There’s nothing new in 15 alterations a day. Or at least, not for me. I know several talented women who are going into that field who are absolutely crazy about it. I think they’ll be great vets. I don’t think I would be. It cost me more than $25,000 to figure that out. That’s a damned nice used car right there. Or $25,000 in GOOCA funding. Let that be a lesson to yourself, self. Listen to your momma, or it’ll cost you. Slowly, but surely, I edged into the art world without even realizing it. Now I make a living doing it. And (shock of shocks) I love it. I may go back to school for it eventually, but not until I get everything in order with moving out of California.

My dad was diagnosed with Lupus recently. This explains his ridiculous health issues that have been stirring the pot for the last year or more. After researching it a bit online (after the diagnosis), I think they should have tested for it a LONG time ago. Oh well. At least we know what the problem is now. There isn’t any cure for it. But maybe now they can make him more comfortable, more of the time.

… I have more to say, but I really need to get back to work. Have a good day!

Going to a business meeting this weekend (leaving tonight), and have to drop the mutt off to a kennel today (in about an hour). I am a basket case. The lady who used to take her was more expensive, but Hannah LOVED her. She slept on the bed with this lady, she ran around constantly and came home happy, clean, and with a sore throat from so much barking. It was wonderful. But that lady has had her house taken away from her by the IRS and that lady has moved to another state. So now I am stuck with a kennel. I don’t WANT to leave her in a kennel. I want her to have somebody paying attention to her at all times, and giving her love and snuggles constantly. I am very upset about this. She has 15 minutes of play time with another human once a day at this kennel, plus 3 walks a day. That’s not good enough for me, but it’s as good as I’m gonna get right now.

I wish somebody was close who could take her and keep her as an inside dog right now. I just don’t know anybody close who I would trust with her, and know well enough to ask. My doggy is supposed to sleep on a human’s bed, damn it. She’s supposed to wake up to humans giving her snuggles and kisses on the forehead. She’s supposed to be the most spoiled mutt in the world at all times. Doing this feels like putting my daughter in a cage for the weekend. *sob*

See, basket case. Not good.

Been working on knitting up some luscious things for a few friends of mine who I will see next weekend. They’re not totally finished, but the actual knitting is done on them, and I have some pics. The big cable lap blanket is going to be dyed a reddish color (I’m not sure exactly how it will come out. That remains to be seen, obviously). The shawl is basically done, except for the weaving in of ends which I didn’t want to do until after I finished blocking it.